Saturday, March 19, 2011

White Rhino

At the age of twelve I had become a bit of a delinquent, with the urge to skateboard, stay out late and spray paint things drugs and alcohol were a curiosity. I grew up in a town two hours outside of Vancouver in a small neighborhood. All the kids were in the same age group and we managed to get some weed from someones dad, a one gram bud covered in pocket lint quickly stuffed in an older experienced smokers pipe.

We were on a small trail, as far as I could coax them, I was very nervous about getting caught. We stood around a large tree as we looked in both directions every once in a while. The bowl was passed, smoked, inhaled, exhaled and to me. I was somewhat experienced with cigarettes so I had developed leather lungs, impressing the others with my plume. When I think back most of everyone were visibly stoned, all but me. We smoked a lot during the first bit of that summer and I never felt any effects, ever!

It was always explained to me that the effects were "feeling relaxed" and that music sounds better and you get the munchies. Now I laugh at how vague it was, I never thought about how deep, terrifying, life and mind changing it could be. Everyone was experiencing it but me, I had a wall that was about to be broken down.

I went to visit my dad up north near Prince George, and ended up meeting a professional stoner. A guy named Jon, native and had constant access to endless weed. He was 14 but knew about species, clones, oil, hash and everything he learned in weed college. His mom was a psychic, single and let him do this, he would tell me that she would do voodoo dances to him while he was baked to get rid of the evil spirits.

Break on through to the other side.

Into the dry half field half forest that goes on for miles to avoid people. Four of us standing around packing a bowl with oil from a pin on top, I was to get the first hit. It was passed around a few times until all three red eyed had enough, I volunteered to finish the rest till I got ashes and the lighter whistled. Jon refused to smoke or give me anymore. I craved that sweet tickle on  the back of my throat.

I remember seeing everything start to strip away, like a pop up book as we stood around laughing. Random outbursts of giggling. I had never felt this way before, this must be what the relaxation description was all about, this was rather enjoyable. I was however trailing behind everyone else's experience.

We began to walk back through the tall grass, the sun was going down and I remember glancing at the moon, the cardboard cutout feeling was becoming more intense. I was silent as I trailed behind the much more lively group. The moon felt like a large, warm rubber band around my head. I felt hot and I began the twitching.

I felt as if I kept on walking up from a dream every ten seconds. I would fast forward and rewind at the same time. My breathing and others conversations would sound as if they were directly in my ear. My dream spells were explorable, my consciousness was able to be aware while they were happening. I wasn't even half way there yet.

I started to trip as the "waking up" feelings were beginning to overlap, my mind was in feeling of liquid flushing and my holo body was expanding in my inflated spacial  dimension. I began fighting it, feeling intense fear but the next trip was coming before I could comprehend a decision to fight or flight. Keep your hands inside the cart, don't stand up and hold on.

I can only describe it as a thought dissolving into a three dimensional projection within the minds eye, morphing and fusing with other thoughts becoming more detailed. A sensation of your head inflating, body vibrations and time dilation and deconstruction blurring of what is past, present and future.

I had a feeling of "I've been here before". I had one or two trips that were so intense they lasted for a minute, as I was walking I felt like tumbling machinery, short circuiting balls on neurology. Pins a needles on my face which felt like the size of a stadium.

Then there was nothing, I vocalized to the others "How do you make it stop, right now!" they told me do be calm and we were almost back at the house. I was fucking freaking out, I felt it coming on again. I was launched through the barrel of a gun, size and dimensional nuances went out the window. Outlines of the tall grass was very well defined until that's all there was, a vector outline of a blade of grass. A frozen thought of all atoms around me, observing a thought from within from outside. 

I suddenly decided to jog past them with the excuse that I had to piss. I knew that if I got inside I would be able to ground myself, I needed water. I ran past the dog the front porch. 

Suddenly a wave of paranoia, I was far too gone to be around my father in this state. I walked extra casually to the bathroom and just stood in there, I was looking out the window and saw the others exit the forest area. My head was full of thunder, echoing thoughts and I felt I'll from my brisk jog.

I made my way to the kitchen and drank a couple glasses of water, my trips were still coming. If I tried I would not be able to hold a conversation, Jon came in and told me that it was just the weed and to try to think about just nothing.

We all sat down in the living room area, the tv seemed to ground me and give me continuity of time. The conversations in the movie seemed to have dead silence for a strange amount of time. I was giving one word answers during all the talking, the machinery of my mind was too distracting.

After forty-five minutes I felt whole, I felt great comfort in watching tv, I didn't care what it was it could be anything. I enjoyed watching the others take turns playing videogames, I felt control watching them play so well when they smoked the same stuff I did.

At the time I was glad it was over, probably the most bizarre experience of my life. I had died and was reborn, my life and curiosity changed that day. My values were shifted, I was becoming a young man, doing adult things, started being aware of sex, alcohol, other drugs and this was the catalyst of my teen years. I feel that it was a coming of age or an intellectual initiation for things to come.

Cannabis would make me and later destroy me, it's something I respect far more now and am way more careful. I've been on the far reaches of my mind in a corner only explored by the intrepid stoners. I belief like all things subjectfull weed is perceived differently from person to person, we are all conditioned to engage it differently by either exploring you mind and relationships or sitting in the couch with cheetos scratching your balls.

I don't know how to end on ball scratching so that's it for me.